~~~~more good news~~~~~

Question:

i also have good news to report!! i saw my psych today. i believe that after 5 years we are going to graduate me from paxil!!! yay!!!! ive been slowly sloping off over the last year from 80mg, to 60, to 45 and now i take 30 a day for the last 3 months or so. so thats a pretty gradual taper… im going to take 15 a day for two weeks and then ten a day for a while….. i have to be on the lookout for withdrawal but who the fuck cares. its working for me thats all i care about right now. i feel better and i can function. so kiss my ass all you psychos out there. im doing what i need to take control of my life and you can kiss my ass. we are thinking that maybe that will stem the nausea some…. paxil can be bad for nausea….. and plus, it means that i dont need so much ad’s anymore. that means that i have really officially come out of my ‘depression’. the severe depression that ive been with for so many years has kind of broken or lifted i guess. the paxil did it. i may not need it anymore. i am so happy. so i still take the depakote and the neurontin, and the medicines for sleep. since one of them is an ad (forget which) that may be all i need to keep my mood out of the blues…. the ability to sleep has totally changed my life….. also, im gaining weight. i weigh 118 pounds now. since starting the meds for sleep, i have gained like 15 pounds. i feel like a woman finally. i have hips. i have arms. ive rounded out. i dont feel like a undernourished waif or a dehydrated scrap anymore. i feel big and round and solid. at 118 lbs this ) i never felt fully grown up before but im finally starting to. so even better good news on top of that i bought myself new clothes today. so they were having this major sale while i was waiting for my prescription to be filled….. so i went over and bought myself this beautiful skirt, kind of olive green color with patterned leaves and flowers. it was $45 but i got it for $15 cause of the sale. i spent the last of my food money and got that skirt, and a shirt to go with it, this kind of straw yellow color with silver rhinestones on the front! very sparkly. i also got a little sweater top in periwinkle blue that is really cute but would be way cuter if i didnt have my big mamas breasts. they used to be so little and perfect. oh well. )}}} then i went over to the goodwill and got some strappy sandals and a pair of boots they just happened to have that are my favorite winter boots and my old pair disintegrated so it was a lucky find. i also got this silk shirt that was straight off the rack at nordstroms! they hadnt even taken the tag off yet. so i got that for 3 dollars. it is very high quality silk (the still-attached label said) and the color is this amazing purple. its so comfortable its like wearing a cloud. so i am feeling much more stylish now. i NEVER wear shoes unless absolutely necessary. so it means something to me to put on shoes. but i like these ones. on the first i will buy makeup. i may even get my hair trimmed. what does this all mean. i have to go back to work. i need to start making money again. we will see if i have it in me. i have to have it in me, becuase the bottom line is i cant make it on $700 a month. so like it or not i have to start working again. that means, look professional. my father tells me that i can have more respect for myself. he tells me that i am smarter than half the schmos out there who =dont= have mental illness. he tells me he believes i have the strength to do it. he tells me that whatever limitations i have do NOT need to stop me from being the professional creative successful contributing person that i am. like peter, i make money from my artwork. so its time to crank up the old anna-machine and see what comes out. i am very excited about this change in my life. i believe it was made possible by the drugs that i took, they they singlehandedly broke my depression that i had previously lived with for over a dozen years. i really believe that. i tried =everything= for almost 15 years that =didnt= work; diet, yoga, exercise, attitude adjustment, trying harder, and harder, and harder. it all failed to do what these medicines achieved in just a few months or even sometimes just a few hours hours time. so even though i may be graduating from paxil, and even though the side effects tortured me and bothered me, and it was annoying and a big pain in the ass, i still credit it with saving my life. its a much smaller pain in the ass than spending my life in living hell or ending it prematurely due to the pain. i will put that on the record. i hope i can leave it behind and move on to another stage in my life and yay!!!!!! im really happy. i hope that things go well. im glad i invested in myself today. it feels good. anna — blackbird singin in the dead of night take these broken eyes and learn to see all your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free ~

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > i also have good news to report!! > i saw my psych today. i believe that after 5 years we are going to > graduate me from paxil!!! yay!!!! > ive been slowly sloping off over the last year from 80mg, to 60, to 45 > and now i take 30 a day for the last 3 months or so. so thats a pretty > gradual taper… im going to take 15 a day for two weeks and then ten a > day for a while….. i have to be on the lookout for withdrawal but who > the fuck cares. its working for me thats all i care about right now. i > feel better and i can function. so kiss my ass all you psychos out > there. im doing what i need to take control of my life and you can kiss > my ass. > we are thinking that maybe that will stem the nausea some…. paxil can > be bad for nausea….. and plus, it means that i dont need so much ad’s > anymore. that means that i have really officially come out of my > ‘depression’. the severe depression that ive been with for so many years > has kind of broken or lifted i guess. the paxil did it. i may not need > it anymore. i am so happy. > so i still take the depakote and the neurontin, and the medicines for > sleep. > since one of them is an ad (forget which) that may be all i need to keep > my mood out of the blues…. the ability to sleep has totally changed my life….. > also, im gaining weight. i weigh 118 pounds now. since starting the meds > for sleep, i have gained like 15 pounds. i feel like a woman finally. i > have hips. i have arms. ive rounded out. i dont feel like a > undernourished waif or a dehydrated scrap anymore. i feel big and round > and solid. at 118 lbs this ) > i never felt fully grown up before but im finally starting to. > so even better good news on top of that i bought myself new clothes > today. so they were having this major sale while i was waiting for my > prescription to be filled….. so i went over and bought myself this > beautiful skirt, kind of olive green color with patterned leaves and > flowers. it was $45 but i got it for $15 cause of the sale. i spent the > last of my food money and got that skirt, and a shirt to go with it, > this kind of straw yellow color with silver rhinestones on the front! > very sparkly. i also got a little sweater top in periwinkle blue that is > really cute but would be way cuter if i didnt have my big mamas breasts. > they used to be so little and perfect. oh well. )}}} > then i went over to the goodwill and got some strappy sandals and a pair > of boots they just happened to have that are my favorite winter boots > and my old pair disintegrated so it was a lucky find. i also got this > silk shirt that was straight off the rack at nordstroms! they hadnt even > taken the tag off yet. so i got that for 3 dollars. it is very high > quality silk (the still-attached label said) and the color is this > amazing purple. its so comfortable its like wearing a cloud. > so i am feeling much more stylish now. i NEVER wear shoes unless > absolutely necessary. so it means something to me to put on shoes. but i > like these ones. > on the first i will buy makeup. i may even get my hair trimmed. > what does this all mean. i have to go back to work. i need to start > making money again. > we will see if i have it in me. i have to have it in me, becuase the > bottom line is i cant make it on $700 a month. so like it or not i have > to start working again. > that means, look professional. my father tells me that i can have more > respect for myself. he tells me that i am smarter than half the schmos > out there who =dont= have mental illness. he tells me he believes i have > the strength to do it. he tells me that whatever limitations i have do > NOT need to stop me from being the professional creative successful > contributing person that i am. > like peter, i make money from my artwork. so its time to crank up the > old anna-machine and see what comes out. > i am very excited about this change in my life. i believe it was made > possible by the drugs that i took, they they singlehandedly broke my > depression that i had previously lived with for over a dozen years. > i really believe that. i tried =everything= for almost 15 years that > =didnt= work; diet, yoga, exercise, attitude adjustment, trying harder, > and harder, and harder. it all failed to do what these medicines > achieved in just a few months or even sometimes just a few hours hours > time. > so even though i may be graduating from paxil, and even though the side > effects tortured me and bothered me, and it was annoying and a big pain > in the ass, i still credit it with saving my life. its a much smaller > pain in the ass than spending my life in living hell or ending it > prematurely due to the pain. > i will put that on the record. > i hope i can leave it behind and move on to another stage in my life and > yay!!!!!! im really happy. i hope that things go well. im glad i > invested in myself today. it feels good. > anna > — > blackbird singin in the dead of night > take these broken eyes and learn to see > all your life > you were only waiting for this moment to be free ~

Anna, You sound very  happy, and with good reason. You go girl! Squiggles

Response:

LOL.  Looking and sounding great!  Maybe we can get a group wave going here. I’ll start Well, an attempt. cheers, Carrie   ӿ

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